these are a few of my favorite things

I AM EXCITED FOR TOO MANY THINGS.

I am so excited for so many things in my life to happen...I can't wait! I know I shouldn't be looking too far into my future and wanting time to pass quicker than it already does, but THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS.

We wrapped filming on a short I've been working on the past week, Unattainable. I am so excited about seeing the finished product in December, but filming made me so excited about other things as well. For one, the last day of filming we shot at the director's aunt's house. Being inside a well kept house with matching furniture and a landscaped backyard made me want to start planning my future house right away. Other than achieving a successful career as an actress, I desperately want to make a home for my future family. I want to have a playset and a garden and room for my dog(s) to run. I want each room to have a theme. I want huge marble counter tops in the kitchen with plenty of room for cooking and baking. I'm not ready to have kids right now, but I can't wait!

Also, I've never been a behind the camera person. Well, I'm a behind the camera person when taking photos, but I also like being in front of it. When it comes to filming, I always want to be front and center. When shooting this film, I actually got really interested in the whole process that goes behind it. I wish I had double majored in RTF, but by the time I seriously considered it, it would have taken me longer than everyone else to graduate. I would love to learn how to work a camera, how to set up shots, how to edit takes together. I also wouldn't mind trying my hand at directing. I think being an actor first would help me a lot to relate to the actors I'm trying to direct. I have a couple of friends who have been talking for years about creating a web series, so maybe we should finally do this! But I have to admit, though it would be a fun and exciting new experience to work behind the camera, I couldn't give up being in front of it as well. Haha.

On a related note, SOMEBODY LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF THEM. I am willing to take headshots/portraits/whatever any wants FOR FREE. I want to build my portofolio, so please let me! All it takes is a couple of hours of your time, and in return you get some hopefully awesome FREE shots of yourself. Either nobody likes getting his/her picture taken, or else they think I'm actually that bad. Which, I'm not being conceited, but I can't believe. I have to be fairly confident in myself in the things I pursue. I love getting my picture taken, so I guess I can't relate. Haha. I'm not conceited...I'M AN ACTRESS!

I am really excited to see three movies: Morning Glory (with Rachel McAdams, who, you should know, I'm obsessed with), Love and Other Drugs (with Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal), and Blue Valentine (with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams). I don't get excited about seeing too many movies, but I am very excited for all three of these. I am especially a sucker for the non-cookie-cutter-Hollywood-predictable-love-stories, and whether or not Love and Other Drugs falls in that category, I'm pretty sure Blue Valentine doesn't. GIVE TO ME.

I put up Christmas lights both in my apartment and at Whitney's house. I LOVE Christmas lights. I don't want to stop putting them up.

This post is all over the place, but then again, so is my mind/life.

it's a new dawn, it's a new day

I have come to realize that your happiness depends almost entirely on your attitude. You can choose to be positive, or you can choose to dwell on the negative. I am not preaching or lecturing because I myself focus all too much on the negative aspects in my life, rather than appreciating the good things. Trust me, it is way more difficult to keep a good attitude; it's much easier to pout and whine and complain about how life sucks.

These past few months have been rough for me. I never knew I would feel at such a loss after graduating from college and being done with school. Sometimes there isn't a reason for me to feel down, but I will. You have to grasp on to those little things in life that feed you happiness. Little things...like bringing a Christmas tree scented candle everywhere with me just so I can light it and always have that scent surrounding me. Or a pumpkin spice scented car freshener so that every time I get into my car, I'm immediately filled with euphoria at the thought of the holidays being so close. Or cuddling up in snowflake pajamas and watching a movie in the dark. These little things are what get me through the day. What gets you through yours?

I have actually been working on a lot of acting projects lately. I finished a studio shoot, am filming for a short film, was cast last minute into another studio shoot today, and will be rehearsing for another workshop this week. I'm not getting paid, but I'm getting to do what I love. When I get down about the career path I've chosen, it's always nice to be reminded how much I love it and how much it's worth it. I have to be happy that people actually like my work...that they think it's great and that they want to work with me again and again. That in itself is comforting. I feel like I'm always striving for something else, something more, like I can't feel content with what I have. But I do have accomplishments. Everyone has their problems, and most are much more worse than mine. I don't want to settle in life, but I also don't want to always want something more. I'm working hard at keeping a positive attitude towards myself and towards life in general. Life is too short to spend even one minute unhappy. I want to enjoy every second of it. I want to look back on my life and have absolutely no regrets. There are so many things I can't wait for, but I need to focus on the now. I need to live my life right here right now. Let's all be positive together, so none of us get each other down.

Really, more than anything, I miss Betsy. This Friday it will be one month since she passed away. I can't explain to you how much I love this dog and how I've never hurt more badly than I did when she was hurting and then when she was gone. We picked up her ashes the other night, so it's nice to kind of have her with us again. I think about her every single day, and I wonder when or if the hurt will ever go away. Here I'm telling you to focus on the positive, but death is the one thing in life that I can't change my attitude about. It's so certain, so conclusive. You can talk about heaven being infinite, but life on Earth obviously isn't. There's no explanation as to why she had to be taken away from us. No explanation, no good reason. It happens, and it's something I don't think any of us could ever learn to cope or be okay with. The physical impossibility of ever seeing someone again is heartwrenching. And that's the risk you have to take when you give someone your heart, and I certainly gave Betsy mine. You have to risk that your heart will be taken away also. But she was worth it. The best dog in the world.

We love you, Betsy. We miss you. Keep watching over us girl because we need you.

it's the most wonderful time of the year

I need this, the holidays that is. They couldn't be coming at a better time. Halloween showed up so suddenly that it came and went too quickly for me to fully enjoy it and all of the Halloween festivities I had planned to do. This Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years I am going CRAZY. So if you don't like this time of year, stay away, because I am not letting anyone bring me down. Christmas has always been my absolulte favorite favorite favorite time of the year and since I've grown older, I've tried every year to relive the excitement I felt as a kid. Normally I fail at providing myself the same amount of anticipation and excitement, but this year, I will not. So everybody, if you care an ounce about me, please play along. I really need this more than anything right now. I got so stressed out about squeezing every Halloween thing into one weekend, I only planned a costume last minute and didn't even get to carve my pumpkin. But this winter season, I am excited for...

...making Thanksgiving pies without the help of my mother, shopping on Black Friday, making smores in the backyard fire pit, decorating a (real) Christmas tree to put in the "man cave", planning a Christmas party with White Elephant and a plethora of delicious Christmas baked treats and hot cocoa, playing Christmas music NON-STOP from the day after Thanksgiving onwards, watching every Christmas movie I can get my hands on (most importantly, The Santa Clause), ice skating, going to look at Christmas lights, Christmas shopping, wrapping presents, making Christmas cookies and gingerbread houses, taking so many (good) photos to commemorate such an amazing time of year, drinking eggnog, helping my mama make Christmas dinner and pies, buying boxes of chocolates, shooting off fireworks for New Year's while drinking hot chocolate, making New Year's resolutions that we'll never stick to, having Andria (hopefully) come visit in Austin, and EVERYTHING ELSE I FORGOT.

Here are some photos from Halloween weekend (most of which Caroline took). It may look like I enjoyed every second, but it felt too rushed, and I didn't get to do EVERYTHING I wanted.

thank you, weekend

There are too many thoughts and distractions and worries in my life to post here. But I want to continue writing, so I will.

I finally, finally, have representation...the agent search is over! I'm signed with Heather Collier at Collier Talent. I got the agent I wanted. ;)

I have also been accepted into Richard Robichaux's A Working Group 9 month acting training program on Meisner...time for a serious acting class. I'm so excited/nervous to really delve into this, and I know I need it.

There are so many things I would love to do, but of course the plague of life...there is never enough time or money.

I want to learn more about photography. I want to be respected enough to actually get paid for it. I want to continue learning ballroom dancing. I just want to go out dancing, period! I want to learn tap...you've heard that one before. I want to write a column. I want to have $5000 to update my wardrobe. I want a dog...I need that companionship and someone to take care of...other than myself 24/7. I want to learn how to sing! It has always been the one thing I wish I could do! I want to travel, everywhere. I want to go to Europe and take photos, and reading Eat, Pray, Love makes me want to learn Italian, or at least another language. I need to start doing yoga. I need to keep using my 24 hour membership because I paid for it! When I feel thin, I feel good about myself, and I can't stop comparing myself to my freshman-year-of-college-self. I want to have girl friends because I'm always, constantly, surrounded by boys. I want to work at a bakery. I want to get another job. Scratch that, I need to get another job. I want financial security. I want a house. I want the opportunities and weather of LA, but I want to be in Austin. I want to start feeling the benefits of being a grown-up.

Well, that's enough about what I want. Today after work, Whitney and I are going to get massages. :) I finally found a deal on Living Social to get a 90 minute massage for half off! This will be my first massage ever, and trust me when I say, I absolutely need it. My back kills me every single day. I'm afraid this massage will ruin me forever...I'll always desperately desire another massage.

I think after this blog I'll start commentating on things other than myself. Well, I will still comment about myself because honestly that's the easiest thing to talk about. But I want to practice being a columnist, so...enough about me.

I miss writing.

Currently I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love, and though I'm still at the beginning, it is already inspiring me.

It is inspiring me to start writing again because I haven't in so long. Growing up my favorite subject was English and not to brag or anything, but in elementary it is safe to say I was one of the best writers in my class(es). I loved writing fiction, and as I grew older, I made the transition to more observational writing, such as column writing or blogging. Other than acting or photography, I would love to work for a magazine. I didn't take the journalism route in school because frankly I think journalism classes are nothing short of boring (not bashing any journalism majors...it just wasn't for me). I took a journalism class in high school simply so I could work on the yearbook, and after one semester, my teacher allowed me to skip the last semester of journalism and bumped me up to being on the yearbook staff.

I want to start keeping up with this blog...with my life. I am going through a lot of transitions in my life right now after graduating college in May. I feel like I am stuck in a rut working at part time jobs that aren't satisfying me. There is so much I want to do...like enroll in acting workshops and classes, learn to tap dance, start doing yoga, etc., but there just isn't enough time in the day or enough money to spare. Today is the first day of classes for UT students, and since one of my jobs is on campus, I still rode the bus with all the students on their way to class. It is actually kind of depressing. I am finished so early. I'm 20 years old, and I am already getting depressed about the reality of the real world. I feel like I'm jumping around so much in this one paragraph and that this jumping around mirrors my life right now. My schedule is too structured that I can't find time to fit anything else in my life besides working. But I have to keep at these part time jobs in order to afford my bills each month. I have been keeping at these jobs all summer, and I felt like summer just flew right past me. It's already the first day of school...well, not my first day of school.

I have wanted to learn to tap dance for a long time now. My freshman year (wow, already three years ago) I took a couple of classes downtown. I didn't take these classes in consecutive weeks, so I already got way behind and defeated, and I didn't continue taking classes. I feel a little embarrassed for wanting to learn something at the age of 20 that most people begin learning at the age of 8. I also feel defeated at the fact that it takes years to even become "good" at it.

I need to relax, and that is something I have a really difficult time doing. My freshman year of college my back never hurt because I never felt stress. I never had a back massage in my life up until a year or two ago. My back is hurting as we speak, and it does so every day. I have horrible posture, I know, but it has to be something else. I have to beg my boyfriend to massage my back every day, which I know would annoy anyone. But I don't know how to deal with this pain otherwise. Thus, in order to help relieve pain and relieve stress, I want to start taking yoga classes. The only problem is finding a place that has a schedule that fits with mine. That might be impossible, so I am thinking I will have to buy an at home DVD. This in itself is stressing me out. I stress about trying to relax. Go figure.

My summer album of photos is also quite small in comparison to other months of my life. I worked so much (and really, that is all I did), that I didn't have the opportunity to take photos. I have been trying to play catch up these past couple weeks, but I can't help but feel saddened by the fact that those few months of my life are undocumented. I would also love to start diving into headshot photography...though I am a little scared about doing so.

I think this is enough about my rut of a life for one blog entry. Tune in next time to hear about my declining self-confidence and Los Angeles worries!

two months

...is how long it has been since I have written here. Over two months, actually.


I am officially a college graduate, and I am officially a resident of what they call "the real world". Summer hasn't been summer because I have been working non-stop at two different jobs. Luckily, I had one week after graduation to enjoy some freedom...in New Orleans.

I'm still submitting, and I'm still auditioning. With a ton of help from Barbara, I finally have a finished reel. Next steps: uploading it, so that I can post a link for my website and getting my agent submissions together. High hopes that I can get this together in the next week or two. It will be great to have someone actively trying to get me work, without me having to find it all by myself. An agent is also going to have a lot more access to more work, specifically PAID work, which is what I need.

Besides finding auditions, being booked for auditions, and getting cast, the hardest thing about being an actor might just be scheduling. It is so difficult to work around two work schedules when scheduling auditions and much more difficult to have the availability to shoot a project for a day, a couple of days, or even a few weeks at a time. How do people do this?! Let me rephrase that: how do people do this and still generate an income to LIVE?

On another note, I am moving apartments at the end of July. Though I've been living by myself all summer (I'm hardly ever home), this will be the first time I will officially have a place all to myself. It will be nice...I just hope it's also not lonely. I am really happy with the place I have found and am actually going to sign the lease today. I wish I could enjoy buying furniture and decorating my place, but it's really not practical if I am going to pick up and move to California in six months...or at least within the year.

I didn't post the links to the student films I was in, but they are posted on my website. I will also be posting a link to my reel (hopefully today), so if you're interested, check it out. My website is... http://www.samwiley.weebly.com/

fo twentyyy

I am celebrating this day not for the reason most people who celebrate this day ... celebrate it ... but because it marks two years that Whitney and I have officially been together. Unfortunately we only had time for a quick dinner at Olive Garden since he has a test tomorrow to study for, so I will finally write a new post.

This photo is literally from when it all began. Late that night aka super early in the morning is when we started dating. :)

I am so glad and relieved to finally have booked some roles in a few student films. These aren't paid roles, and I'm pretty positive they won't capture the attention of Glee's casting directors, but hey, it's a start. I mostly want to build up my film experience for my resume and get some good footage for a reel. Anyway, the weekend before last I shot a scene from The Time Traveler's Wife. I haven't seen the movie, but apparently this scene (though in the screenplay) didn't make the cut for the actual film, so I really was originating the character in this scene. I enjoy so much being in front of the camera, and though there is nothing like performing on stage in front of a live audience, I know film is where I want to be and where I will be. I can't forget to mention that of course I was playing a sixteen year old because apparently I don't look any older.

This past weekend I shot a film adaptation of the comic book, Y: The Last Man. The comic book's character, Agent 355, is a tough-assassin-bodyguard-black-woman, so of course, I fit the role perfectly...
Needless to say, I was happy that someone saw me as someone other than a twelve year old. We also got to do something cool with makeup effects, so be sure to check that out once I post the link!

I also booked a role in a short film that an MFA student and a couple others are creating. It's a small role, but it's screen time, and they may want to use a set cast and crew for all of their future projects, so hey, more roles that will possibly just be given to me. We will be shooting that this upcoming weekend. Busy busy busy.

On a side note, I have 2 1/2 weeks left of school...forever. 4 1/2 weeks until graduation. EX.CI.TED.

I wish I had some production stills to include in this post, but I don't. Maybe later.