grande mocha no whip

So here I am, at work. It's 9:30 am, and I'm drinking my mocha to wake me up for the day (I have been awake since 6:45). I love working downtown mornings as opposed to on the university campus in the afternoons. Instead of riding the bus with students and their backpacks heading to class, I am picking up my morning Starbucks with business professionals in their suits, and I like it. After a semester of being graduated from college, I'm starting to feel a little more grown up. However, working 9-6 every day is exhausting. How do adults find the time for anything?! Maybe that's why most parents I know don't have a social life. With work and kids, they are left with zero time to themselves! By the time I get home and make dinner, I have a couple of hours left...to do what? If I work out and shower, it's time for bed again. If I want to see friends to keep me sane, I don't have time to work out. Oh, the troubles of adulthood.

Having some extra income each month is very reassuring though. I don't have to stress as much thinking about how I will pay my bills each month, as well as how I will save some of my paycheck towards my move to LA. However, this working full time thing would feel a lot better if I actually made the salary of a full time employee. But, alas, that's asking too much, isn't it?

So I got new headshots taken, as I hope you checked out! I have had a total of four auditions since September, and I felt like something needed to change. Maybe it wasn't my headshots, but then again, maybe it was...whatever I can do to help boost my success! I know this isn't LA, so auditions aren't going to be boundless, but c'mon...that's one audition once a month. Two were tapings, so I didn't have a lot of optimism for those, but the two in person auditions I did have, I got called back! I was surprised and oh so proud that I accomplished that first feat! My time will come where I will book a paying gig, but to get over the first hurdle of getting called back, is still an accomplishment in my eyes. But it's going to be really nice to book something one of these days...those paychecks are more than I get paid working full time! And I'd be doing something I love!!

Tomorrow night I'm going to the Network Austin Mixer. The four big casting directors in Austin are speaking as a special mixer to start off the new year. I have worked with two of them before, and I am excited to hear what they all have to say. These are the people who give us actors jobs! These are the people to listen to and to get to know!

I've spent entirely too much time on the computer this past week. Time to read a book.

Feliz Año Nuevo!

This new year is going to bring so many (good) things, and as always, I have too much juggling around in my head. For starters, let's begin with my resolutions.

Now, I never, and I mean never, keep my resolutions. There are always a million things I want to change or do better, and it just seems too impossible. But why? I'm fully capable of doing anything I set my mind to. So this year, I decided not to write them down, though, I suppose I'll be writing them here, and just stick to them on my own (if that makes sense).

First things first, I will exercise and be healthier. I feel so much better when I don't have the extra weight. I feel good about myself, I'm not as tired, and I just feel more energetic. I'm tired of being so tired and lethargic constantly. These past two weeks when I've been on vacation at home and in McAllen, I didn't exercise. I don't want to beat myself up about it because I really enjoyed my break. I got back into Austin last night and will begin going back to the gym this week. My boyfriend is planning on getting in shape too, so that will give me extra motivation. I just need to keep to a schedule, so that I will get enough sleep each night and find enough time in the day to do everything I need/want to do. Because my life is about to get a heck of a lot busier...

I will now be working full time, 40 hours a week at least. I'm still keeping my job with Texas Performing Arts, and I'll also be working with ACL ticketing downtown. The bus commuting back and forth all day might be annoying, but I'll figure it out. With my loan repayments already due, I need the money. I also need the money to move to LA. And to take at least one vacation this year. And, I so so so hope, to get a dog. But that's a whole other story.

My next, or should I say, first, resolution is to be more positive. This past semester has been really difficult for me. I'm not in school anymore like everyone else I know. I have to work every day to afford to live. I've begun the difficult, difficult road to finding success as an actress. I was there when the best dog in the world was taken away from us. And I've dwelled on the negative. So much that I would randomly burst into tears every day, and it scared me. I'm going to try and appreciate the postive in my life and not think about what is bad or could be better. If I believe in myself and stick to my goals, I can accomplish. Looking at this past year, I've already accomplished more than I give myself credit for...in fact, I completely disregard what I have accomplished. I signed with my #1 choice of an agent, I've taken headshots that I actually love, I've gotten called back to auditions, I got a full time job, I lived in my own place, I've added to my photography portfolio, I've gotten a gym membership (which I will start using more regularly), I loved and cared for an animal more than I ever thought I could or would, I made it to 21 years old! I accomplished these things and so much more. And this year will bring even more for me. More income, more change, more success, more everything.

COME FROM A PLACE OF YES!

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

I think I started my Christmas hype too early. I started before Thanksgiving, and now I don't feel like it's even Christmas time anymore. For instance, today my manager brought in a few miniature Christmas trees and other decorations, and I thought to myself "Why are you bringing these in so late? They will be up for such a short time before you have to take them down." But then I realized that today is only December 6th, the beginning of December, and Christmas is three whole weeks away. I guess that is what happens when you celebrate Christmas for two months.

On another note, in relation to my last post, I worked out five, yes FIVE, times last week. I am really proud of myself for even waking up Saturday and Sunday morning to get in a workout before I went on with the rest of my day. I'm upping my time on the elliptical, but I'm letting myself slack in other areas. Must.keep.up.

I read Audrey Hepburn's Wikipedia today. Why? Because I spend too much time on Facebook, and a friend posted the link for some reason. I wish I had grown up in Britain and trained in ballet and painted and was cultured like her and (how I imagine) every European is. Unfortunately, I am not. My culture is watching The Real Houswives (of New York, New Jersey, Orange County, and Beverly Hills...not a fan of D.C. and Atlanta...but I digress) and checking Tumblr updates. I hate that everything is so centered around the internet, and that I spend countless hours a day on it. I get the irony here.

This weekend I will finally get to see a few of the film projects I worked on this semester. I am excited, and wary, because I self-critique like no other and also fear that others will think I'm a sham and can't actually act. But I need to stop self-depracating, because I had a great acting workshop this weekend and actually feel a lot better about myself.

I wish I could stick to one topic, or theme, in these posts.

work it

So I’ve decided I will get into the routine of working out every day. In September I bought a year membership for 24 Hour Fitness, and after about two weeks of using it, I stopped for the past 2 1/2 months. I had a lot of personal things going on during that time, but that’s no excuse. This week I finally went back. Though I get so bored, and sometimes it hurts (so good), I can do this. I will never be “in the mood” to work out, at least not while I’m still so out of shape, so I will have to force myself to do it every day. If I can’t make it to the gym, I have several videos to choose from: P90, Hip-Hop Abs, Pussycat Dolls, Pilates, and Yoga. My freshmah year of high school I worked out every single day and watched what I ate. I have to admit, it became an obsession, and I don’t want to get back to that point. But I want to feel better about myself. I want to look good, I want to be able to walk up stairs without being out of breath, I want to be able to jog for more than 5 minutes, I want to gain my flexibility back, I don’t want to be tired all the time, and I just want to feel good. I’ve been trying to watch what I eat, limiting what I do take in, and avoiding sodas. I just feel like eating healthy is so much more expensive. My other problem: it is really hard to force myself to get up early to work out, and since I don’t want to work out in the middle of the day when I have things to do, I save my work out for nighttime. The past two nights I have worked out super late and showered after, and…then I can’t sleep. I guess I never realized how much energy working out can give you. I used to work out at night all of the time, but I guess since this is such a change for me now, it is really giving me too much energy to sleep. But I need more energy! So I’m glad that I can already feel it working…even if I don’t get sleep. -__- I WILL STAY MOTIVATED.

Mississippi Mud Cookies

My mama gave me this Southern Living Christmas cookbook last Christmas, and last week I decided to try out this new cookie recipe.

Forewarning: I didn’t use parchment paper because I didn’t have any. It would probably be best to use parchment paper because the cookies, especially the marshmallows, stuck to the pan, and many crumbled when I tried to remove them. Also, the butter I used turned out not to be real butter and instead some form of vegetable oil sticks (something of that nature). The cookies still tasted good, but I have a feeling that’s what made them super crumbly. Also, leave enough time for them to cool on the pan before removing them, or again…they will crumble. “Learn by trial and error”

Prep: 25 min. Bake: 12 min. per batch

1 cup semisweet chocolate morsels

1/2 cup butter, softened

1 cup sugar

2 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tsp. baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

1 cup chopped pecans (optional)

1/2 cup milk chocolate morsels

1 cup plus 2 Tbsp. miniature marshmallows

Microwaves semisweet chocolate morsels in small microwave-safe glass bowl at HIGH 1 minute or until smooth, stirring every 30 seconds.

Beat butter and sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer until creamy; add eggs, 1 at a time, beating until blended after each addition. Beat in vanilla and melted chocolate.


Combine flour, baking powder, and salt; gradually add to chocolate mixture, beating until well blended. Stir in chopped pecans (optional) and 1/2 cup milk chocolate morsels.


Drop dough by heaping tablespoonfuls onto parchment paper-lined baking sheets. Press 3 marshmallows into each portion of dough.

Bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes or until set. Remove to wire racks.

(I forgot to take a photo before I put the cookies in a container. Unfortunately I left the crumbled and breaking (bad) cookies on the plate. Haha, so this is the photo I have. I have other ones that looked better…I promise. Remember what I said to avoid the crumbling!)

Yield: about 3 dozen. (I probably made about 2 dozen…depends on the size of your cookies, obvs.)

almost thanksgiving...

I went with my friend, Kelly, tonight to take some Refugee kids to McDonald's. Here are some photos of them...so cute!





These four kids are from Burma. I can't believe how well they speak English! It's so impressive to me when kids know more than one language...and how quickly they can learn them!

Now onto the rest of my post...

I can't imagine being a psychiatrist. How can anyone have their stuff together well enough to advise other people on their own messed up issues? The human mind is too complex for its own good, and no one can be considered "normal". Well, how can one crazy person have the ability to advise and sort through another crazy person's mind? I'm not saying psychiatrists don't help people because many people swear by them. But I am just wondering how someone has the authority to be a psychiatrist. When we are all crazy.

My emotions and thoughts are all over the place, as always. I swear I change my mind 5 million times a day. And how I feel about my decisions and thoughts. If that makes any sense. I want to start living moment to moment and only worry about what is making me happy in that very moment. It is difficult for me because I'm constantly fretting over what I've just done or what I have to do. I get anxious over the smallest things that any sane person wouldn't care about in the least bit. And I'm not exaggerating...in the least bit.

But ANYWAY, I have never been as excited for Thanksgiving as I am this year. Normally I'd rather just skip straight to Christmas. But I think this being my first holiday as a non-student is going to be really good for me. I just hope I don't have any moments of boredom where I can ponder my life. Or else I will have to fill the time with baking tons of delicious holiday treats. :)

The rest of this post got deleted, so I am having to rewrite it. -__-

Now on to acting...I took a workshop this past Saturday with a casting director I have never worked with before, and she gave me both a compliment and critique while watching playbacks of our cold readings: she said she doesn't know me well but can tell that I have training and am good...I am just relying on my acting "tricks". I need to work towards living honestly in the moment, and I couldn't agree more. This is what I have been working towards the last two months in my acting class on Meisner. It is just frustrating because I have been taught by many professors...and many professors have a more mechanical approach to acting. I think the mechanical...ness is rubbing off on me. I am not blaming anyone else; what I do is ultimately because of me. I just have to be patient that it will happen for me. I want to just be. I know I can do it and that I will do it. But it takes a lot of work. Or maybe the problem is I am working too hard...?

Oh, I finished reading The Time Traveler's Wife today. I didn't have work today, so I stayed in bed with a glass of eggnog (delicious) reading it until I finished. I've already seen the movie, but still, it is so sad. This story always makes me so depressed. But it's so good. I'm just sad that I've already finished it. I hate ending good books. I also tried yoga for the first time today...kicked my butt! I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult for me as it was! We will have to see how this goes.

Well, I don't have work again tomorrow, so hopefully I'll get to see Harry Potter tonight. Then filming Knife, Fork, Spoon tomorrow night and heading home for Thanksgiving Wednesday morning!

these are a few of my favorite things

I AM EXCITED FOR TOO MANY THINGS.

I am so excited for so many things in my life to happen...I can't wait! I know I shouldn't be looking too far into my future and wanting time to pass quicker than it already does, but THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS.

We wrapped filming on a short I've been working on the past week, Unattainable. I am so excited about seeing the finished product in December, but filming made me so excited about other things as well. For one, the last day of filming we shot at the director's aunt's house. Being inside a well kept house with matching furniture and a landscaped backyard made me want to start planning my future house right away. Other than achieving a successful career as an actress, I desperately want to make a home for my future family. I want to have a playset and a garden and room for my dog(s) to run. I want each room to have a theme. I want huge marble counter tops in the kitchen with plenty of room for cooking and baking. I'm not ready to have kids right now, but I can't wait!

Also, I've never been a behind the camera person. Well, I'm a behind the camera person when taking photos, but I also like being in front of it. When it comes to filming, I always want to be front and center. When shooting this film, I actually got really interested in the whole process that goes behind it. I wish I had double majored in RTF, but by the time I seriously considered it, it would have taken me longer than everyone else to graduate. I would love to learn how to work a camera, how to set up shots, how to edit takes together. I also wouldn't mind trying my hand at directing. I think being an actor first would help me a lot to relate to the actors I'm trying to direct. I have a couple of friends who have been talking for years about creating a web series, so maybe we should finally do this! But I have to admit, though it would be a fun and exciting new experience to work behind the camera, I couldn't give up being in front of it as well. Haha.

On a related note, SOMEBODY LET ME TAKE PICTURES OF THEM. I am willing to take headshots/portraits/whatever any wants FOR FREE. I want to build my portofolio, so please let me! All it takes is a couple of hours of your time, and in return you get some hopefully awesome FREE shots of yourself. Either nobody likes getting his/her picture taken, or else they think I'm actually that bad. Which, I'm not being conceited, but I can't believe. I have to be fairly confident in myself in the things I pursue. I love getting my picture taken, so I guess I can't relate. Haha. I'm not conceited...I'M AN ACTRESS!

I am really excited to see three movies: Morning Glory (with Rachel McAdams, who, you should know, I'm obsessed with), Love and Other Drugs (with Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal), and Blue Valentine (with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams). I don't get excited about seeing too many movies, but I am very excited for all three of these. I am especially a sucker for the non-cookie-cutter-Hollywood-predictable-love-stories, and whether or not Love and Other Drugs falls in that category, I'm pretty sure Blue Valentine doesn't. GIVE TO ME.

I put up Christmas lights both in my apartment and at Whitney's house. I LOVE Christmas lights. I don't want to stop putting them up.

This post is all over the place, but then again, so is my mind/life.